Back to Basics

Ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls.
~ Jeremiah 6:16~

Many do not know, but i have been struggling through life in the past months, since last year. I've drifted from God, pushing Him away from me, not letting Him lead and guide my life, not giving Him any longer the reins of my life. My mind started thinking, questioning... questioning not God, but myself, my motives, my actions, my behaviour... And life has really been difficult without God.

I wanted help, but maybe not really, for i dint allowed anyone to help me, blocking off what people say with my own reasonings and excuses. I let myself drift, i let myself sink deeper in this quicksand where the more i struggled, the deeper and more stuck i got. i hated this, but yet, i guess on my own part, though my mouth says i badly want to get back to God and be by His side again, i was not doing anything. i said i wanted, but i dint really tried i guess.

i'm thankful for sis gwen who spoke to me 2 weeks ago on thurs, 24April, for God to get someone to speak to me, someone my heart has yet to block, someone whom i will listen and heed her word more. She dint know that every time she called my name, my name itself, something in my heart jumped. i dunno why. as we conversed, she called my name a couple of times, and everytime she called my name as she spoke words of sincerity, words of advise, serious words, concerned words, there's a tugging in my heart, as if the inner me that has been sleeping all these while, that had grown numb, was waking up.

i guess people around me seldom call my name many times. nicks like ah ma/ahma de ahma/king/huangsan/rach have become so common, that when addressing me by my name itself, it maybe sort of reminded me of who i am, who i was before letting all these changes/circumstances turn my life so differently that i've yet to figure out who i am, yet alone let people discover and know who i am.

No. do not get me wrong, i've nothing against people using those nicks to address me. rather, i kind of enjoyed it. i find that when people call you by a nick, it's like we share a closer relationship/friendship. that's why you call me by a name that shows our close relationship, like my juniors and good frens in sec sch call me ah ma/ahma de ahma. (with the exceptions of sacarstic/'unfriendly'/unkind nicks that pple give to you) that's why i nearly never call anyone by 'shortcuts'/nicks unless i'm really close to them.

Anyway, geez. i'm really getting real out of the focus of this post. XP
2 Takeaways from the meet-up with Sis G:
- dont dwell on the negative thoughts you have on yourself
-BACK TO BASICS

that's what i want to blog about today.
BACK TO BASICS.

actually, before she mentioned this, it actually crossed my mind. BACK TO BASICS!
back to my simple faith, so sweet, simple and pure... before i made it 'complicated' and there came so many links that i totally lost focus on God. back to being his innocent and naive child, before i was chosen to be an SP, before i became an SP, maybe even before i started serving Him 'officially' in a ministry, before i got more involved in my church. Where my relationship with God, was just Him and me, and me having His heart for the people around me. Where i was contend with receiving whatever He gave me, asking just a little more from Him, unlike now where i'm so focused on wanting to receive from Him, that my focus shifted from Him, to a self-centred me.

Back to Basics was what Sis G told me she felt God wanted her to tell me this as she was travelling to meet me, still unclear of what was really happening in my life. Seriously, it MUST HAVE BEEN God who led her to me. for..
1. i wasnt close to her at all and am surprise she even like know me and missed me
2. the day she missed me/ask my sis where i was... it so happened i was visiting Clari. church. she was shocked i was church visiting (though so far i've visited other churches and skipped my own church service for 3times only, happen to once a month). and i was there past 3 weeks before i went that wkend to visit Clar. church

Back to Basics. It's hard to explain, but it's easy to understand. Back to Basics. that's what i really wanted to try doing when she told me that. but yet again, i've failed to try, being so caught up with myself, my 'busyness', my struggle to keep up with school work, managing my time, and being troubled by my relations with others. being so self-centred again, i've pushed God away, asking Him to yet again, wait. sigh...

Sis G smsed me on 7May: "how have u been doing? Still feeling lost or stagnanted?"
i replied her: "Still lost, stagnanted, tired out. To be honest, i haven done anything since we spoke. sorry. i know i need to face God again, but i'm just sort of unwilling to do anything. i know i can get out of this, but i'm like just not doing anything, being so caught up with the busyness of my life, struggling to cope with JC life. sigh."
maybe some people can identify with me...

Well, the devil has been winning this battle round after round (becoz i allowed him to win)... and he has succeeded in stoppping me from having my quiet time with God everyday, which i was steadily doing from the beginning of the year, though i was already struggling in my walk, till the end of March, where once i stopped, it's hard to pick up. i had my quiet time again with God last sunday, which i relished it. Today, i spent time with God again. And this verse in My Daily Bread spoke to me.

Ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls.
~ Jeremiah 6:16~

It was a reminder... Back to Basics... the good old paths, the ones i trod when i was a young Christian, firm and simple in my faith, such simple faith that brought much joy. It's not that i dont question, i did, but at least my focus was right. it's not folly faith, but simple faith.
May i walk in the old paths of truth so that i would find peace and rest for my soul. That the old ways will help to ensure new beginnings in my life.