There's a fine fine line [Avenue Q]

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTFI9sQdpGo

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"Indeed there's a fine fine line between:
a lover and a friend
reality and pretend
a fairytale and a lie
being together and not
what I wanted and what I got
what i heard people wanted and what they got
(and definitely) love and a waste of time

It's time I move on. I should not have held onto any more feelings for you. I should not have waited for you, hoping you'll noticed me. I should not have hoped that we'll really become strong, good, close friends, when i knew that it would be highly unlikely. I should not have clinged on to false hope. It's time i distinguished between reality and pretense. It's time I realised that I should not be clinging on to such 'love' when it is just a waste of time and my emotions.

Indeed, I don't have time to waste on you anymore. For my own sanity, I got to close the door of my heart and walk away. I don't think we can ever be that close friends again. I don't even think you realised that our friendship has detoriated, as you know I feared. I'm going to walk away now. If it ends up that we become just acquaintances, not even friends anymore, I won't be surprised. I'm sorry. I've tried. This is too tiring. It's really a fine fine line between love and a waste of time, and it is time I distinguish where am I. Today is the day. Farewell."

--Fern--

"I'm now truly convinced you've been lying to me. You've been lying to everyone. The question is.. WHY??? Why do you have to compose such a beautiful lie to everyone so that no one will bother you, so that you can have time on your own? Why must you do this? Do you know how much it hurts when people know you are lying to them? Rather, do you know how much it hurts me when I realise all these was a big fat lie? My concerns, my love towards you; asking the angels, if they exist, to protect you and keep you safe for me... just went WHAM! POOF!!

I just do not understand. Must you resort to lying to everyone? Even to your friends who are genuinely concerned for you? Even to me? I rather you ask me to stay away then to lie in such a way. Now, what am I supposed to do? Pretend nothing has happened? Act as if I was still being tricked by you? Is having you as a friend too much to ask? Maybe. Well, is being a friend to you that uncomfortable that you have to shun in such a way?

I'm hurt. I'm disappointed. I'm upset. I'm discouraged. I'm at a loss of what to do. Are you doing all these just so to gain my attention? Don't you realised that I am already really concerned for you? Don't you realised how hurting is it to those who love you to realised they have been cheated by your lies? How long are you going to keep this act up? This seemingly cat-and-mouse game is real tiring. Stop it!"

--Fern--

me. till i see you
The void in your heart, NO ONE can ever fill, NO GUY/GIRL... only GOD!! that's why you often still feel empty inside

A close friend

Tonight was different. I walked down the streets alone. The dark skies, the lightning flashes, the echo of a dog's barking, makes me feel all the more lonelier as I walked down the path. It wasn't because I was sacred. It's just that it would have been more comforting if you would have been walking with me, as you usually do my dear friend. I never did tell you that I really enjoy your companionship and the comfort and assurance you give as a friend. The talks and discussions we have as we often times walk together is really something I value and treasure a lot, especially after a long day studying in school. I've always enjoyed our time together as friends, till I've long forgotten how lonely it could be walking without a dear friend beside, being so used to your presence. Luckily, it is just tonight. I hope that our friendship would stay on that strong and that we would have more relaxing enjoyable time together because I really truely treasure you a lot dear friend, even if I have never mentioned it. :)
Looking around now as i walk, I'm missing your presence. Indeed, walking with a friend can make a world of difference at times. That is why we need friends in our lives. If we don't, there will just be me, and no other human beings in this world. The companionship of a friend can do wonders at times. I'm so glad and thankful for the close friendships I have. I'm so glad to have you as a friend.

-- Fern --

9:45pm 8thSep08

wow. somewhat envious of Fern for having such a very close friend. though i have close friends too. haha. Indeed the companionship of a friend is comforting and assuring, bringing more joy and meaning to life.

tHanK yOu LoRd FoR mY fRiEndS!! =)

sharing is the key to drawing friendships closer together. but it seems when i share some stuffs, it will hurt you. i dunno whether to share or not. if i dun share, our friendship may not draw closer. if i share, you seem to end up getting hurt becoz of me, and i dun want that either.

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i want to say "i love you", but i know that can never be said, if not the world shall collapse becoz there is simply no way out. i know you will misunderstand, and you may end up wanting more than i can give without both of us getting hurt.

is this true? 1/2 hope not.

did this test thingy just now. it's said to be accurate and very true...

1. asking me to rank these animals, here's my order:
horse, sheep, cow, tiger, pig
which means my priorities in life are as order:
[family, love, career, pride, money]

2. asked me to use a words to describe the animals dog, cat, rat, coffee, sea:
loyal, loving, smart, bitter, freedom
which means:
[i'm loyal, my partner is loving, my enemies are smart, i think sex is bitter, my life is one of freedom]

3. asked me to name a person whom i know & deemed important that i can relate to these colours yellow, orange, red, white, green:
EC, WL, coconut, watermelon, couz (for 'safety' reasons' i shall not mention the full names of these pple of whom i wrote)
which meant respectively:
[the person i'll never forget, the person i consider my true friend, the person tat i really love, my twin soul, the person i'll remember for the rest of my life]


well, for first question, i'm not surprise if my priorities become/are as such.

second question.... maybe? i dun really consider myself loyal, but maybe sometimes bah. and if my future partner is not loving, then away with him! i'm not surprise if i have enemies, they'll be the smart people. but the last two, dun exactly agree. sex tat it NOT with your lifetime partner, that one and only, then it's bitter. my life being free... nah.

third question, i put those names becoz yellow reminds me of joy, which ec often bring with his friendships, jokes, and stories. orange is WL fav colour. think of red think of pink think of coconut. think of white think of grey think of watermeon. green? well i think of couz i go green with envy, so yar. though that's the question of which i hope is not accurate. i dun mind the rest, just the ones about coconut and watermelon. ec and couz is very true i believe. i wont be forgetting them in a hurry. but erm. coconut being the person i really love... well that'll mean lots of pain and heartaches for me. watermelon being my twin soul. i dunno what to say. he already caused lots of heartaches liao. my fault.

some thots during TENet cell today...

Coconut has inner beauty, but his corrupted mind n wrong ways confuse me...

When a door of the heart has been closed, it's hard to open it again.

If guys are attracted to you just by you inner beauty, will it last a relationship?

i dun like this topic about identity n dressing becoz it reminds me how different i am from pple around me n how sometimes it seems to affect friendships.

Fern...

I thought he would stay. But I guess I was wrong. I thought I hinted. But I guess he did not hear. And here I am, left alone. Alone. All by myself. The loneliness, the dark. If only... If only...
I fear. Oh how I fear. The waiting in the deadly silence of the dark. Being all alone, with not a single living visible soul around me, as I wait... Patiently... For the bus.

--Fern--

21:45 10Apr08

Wow. this sounds so poetic of Fern... sort of...