enjoyable night.. how much more will i ever have...

ytd, had quite an interesting time over at my classmate clar. house... though i dun really know why i go there for... XD

haha. majority pple go there to play mahjong.. for me, since i'm invited (finally) and well, kinda curious to know what class pple do when they go out together... so tagged along.

the show august rush was nice! very! haha.. enjoyed the music, and the magic of music.. but too bad it's just a show... and this kinda talent either dun exist or hardly found, and i am definitely not one of them. =(

haha.. anyways, pizza, karaoke, mahjong, movie going on... of which i dint really participate.. tat's why i wonder why i went. it's not really becoz i was accompanying the queen, though tat's one factor to push away the fear factor of going. i mean, i go there, also dun play mahjong, also not say very comfortable with the group, since i'm not say very close to all of them, and am fine with a few of them, but not in such a big group, but rather comfortable with some of them in very small group. *shrugs* i practically went there fearing i'll have nothing to do, nothing of which i can actually blend in with, where i'll just have to be a ghost... though i felt like one initially, esp at macs.

sigh. sometimes i wonder if my lifestyle, my upbringing by my parents and myself, have become like some sort of hindrance between me and pple from becoming closer friends. tis not something that only hit me then, but it's a thought that comes quite often, every now and then... and it hurts. but i will not give up anything to change the way and lifestyle i've been living through these ages. though i often sigh sadly within, when pple around me engage in conversations about movies, songs, books, games, of which those i enjoy and are exposed to falls little in their arena of what they have watched, listened, read, played.

*shrugs* and nope, it's not so much of parental censorship.. but rather, even self-censorship.. just not interested in many genres of which many of my peers enjoy and talk about. queen voiced i was quiet, looks bored.. well, i cant engage into the conversations... there's little i can do, except think about this again. i listen in to the conversation, but it still is a world of a difference when you're listening in to a conversation, and actually be in the conversation. well, i dun blame them... i mean, it's not their fault that my interest varies greatly from them... it's just the reality of life, that pple are so different from one another. just that i happened to be the extra one, very different from everyone else, such that sometimes there aint much connection.
it's at macs where i'm reminded of rina and kristen, who so often, once a week, will fill me up with their craze over manga and anime, of which in their hands is always a Japanese book, or a sketch book... they led me into their 'world', not leaving me out of it, though i may not have their craze over Japanese stuffs, despite my interest in it, grown by their passion influence. :) miss the times whe pple share with me when i dunno rather than keep me out. XP miss those kinda friends, of which we're no longer so close anymore. sigh.

anyways, i dun regret going in the end... =)
though my arm nearly got all chewed away by clar's golden retriever. Seriously, clar really gotta have it trained. haha. had a nice time enjoying the (to me) scenic, peaceful,comforting view from the balcony. so while they were inside, i 'entertained' myself by going out to the view... haha, and slowly, one by one came to join me. XD okay, admittedly, i prefer the peace and stillness the balcony seems to bring, when there's just me, or a few of us, like 2-3? and not the 'noisier' ones.. XP haha

talked a little, or maybe slightly more than a little to HY. haha. i've been reminded of my spiritual position, and the matter of dealing with it. it's true. it's not that i dun know what to do. it's just that i dun exactly know how to get it started, and i just dun seem/dare to take the first step.. becoz the first step is going to be a very big step, and a bitter one. once that first step is taken, everything should come in much easier. this matter must be dealt with. and soon, for the bondages to be broken. few may understand what i'm saying, becoz not all know about spiritual struggles. it's like how today i was walking and thought of this: "i have questions. i can answer my questions. but i dunno what to do with my answers"

well, so glad for the enjoying of the night at the balcony yesterday, the chats and the fellowship with my classmates.


i have been praying for you my dear friends, i am still praying for you, and i will still be praying for you, whether i'm in spore or not, whether it's you who is flying or not. keeping you in prayer.