Friends

interesting experience today. it just affirm something i've said a lot of times, but not many heard it... "When a door of the heart has been shut, it is very hard to open it again." today, it's been clear in my heart tat a longtime friendship had really faded away with time, that we are no longer that close and can never be that close as we used to be. well, i guess you can say it's my fault. i've long sensed it slipping off, but i never really did anything to savage it before it 'unconsciously' slip off totally. Am i asking too much in friendships? i dun feel that way, but am i being too concerned for others such tat it's sending the wrong message?? do i really care what people think about me, what people think about my actions and words and feelings? i keep saying that i dont. but it suddenly just dawned upon me. if i dont care about what others say, then why do i care so much about friends, and whether i am a friend to them, and how they see me as a friend... i seriously do not know what am i thinking!!

"Friends Forever"... can this really exist? i so want to wish it so, but somehow it seemed to be some far off fantasy that can be dreamed upon but it's out of reality. it really takes efforts on both side, and a desire on both sides to want to really maintain and develop the friendship through time, through life. i may be willing, but i also do not really know what the other side is really thinking/feeling. saying is one thing, heart language is the other, for lip-service will get you no where.

well, friends dun owe each other anything. what rules can we actually put on friendships? everybody has their own life, their own joys, their own families, their own other social groups, their own uniqueness, so what can we expect of them?? nothing?

just relying on myself brings me to ask... then what are friends for? why are there so many people in this world? if our lives are not related/link to each other... then why are we living in communities? isnt it just enough to just have one man. no other people?

geez. hate blogging late becoz my thots come out like JUNK!!! oh well. shall stop writing. the more i write, the more weird the post seems to be coming along. and whatever i want to be typed out vanishes. okay... i admit lose. i totally cant think. i wanted to say something to end this post, but i cant even remember.. so forget it! good nite. sweet dreams.

at least tmr going badminton. so can play like siao, whack like siao, let all my emotions fly with the shuttles.