钱不够用2

just watched 钱不够用2 with siblings, at 4pm.

storyline was simple, but Jack Neo was yet again able to bring out the learning point, bringing the facts and reality of our own selfish, miserable, unappreciative life, take it and smack it right onto your face.

seeing the children treating their elderly mother with little respect when times were hard for them, when it gets more and more tiresome and trying to take care of her, due to conditions you get when you are old... i felt a pull in my heart.

as i tear-ed, i asked God... "Will i become like that when i grow up too? Non-chalant and insensitive? Am i already like that to my own grandma at home? not really caring about her wellbeing at heart, not caring at all? Will the world around me change me into a cold person? Will i treat and disregard my loved ones this way next time?"

Today seems to be a bit of personal reflection of what i have done to help others, to be there for others, to help others tide through life's crisis and troubles. What have i really done as a friend, a family member? and i realised... nothing. Friends whom i have known for at least a year till many years back... seems like i've stopped doing anything for you all, and am currently not being a friend there for you. For the more recently made friends this year, somehow no matter how close we are (based on the different individuals) i still find that there is some kinda barrier between us, and i cant seem to be that friend when you're looking for one when in need. I cant seem to be able to contribute to your world, and make your world a slightly better place to live in. And i'm letting go of the older friends, getting less and less involved in their lives, contact decreasing, and friendship fading slowly and unknowingly.

What happened to the once goals i had? "To encourage and help those around me", "Feel a Need, Meet a Need", "Be a friend to people", "help people tide through life's problems and situations, just as i have (or not) been helped", "to be a pillar of support and a listening ear to those in need of one"...
and what have i really done? what have i really accomplished?
seemingly... NOTHING.

ends up with me questioning myself... do i really care? do i really love them as i truly believe i have and am? or am i lying to myself? is this helping of others an asssurance for myself or that i'm truly concern for them? i'm not sure any longer. some people thinks i'm too kaypo. some people thinks i'm not worthy/dun have the rights to worry for people. but it seems i cant help it. and i think/have always thought it's becoz i love those around me... but do i really and have i really been loving them?

then why am i not doing anything much for them? then why am i not putting in that extra effort to help them? especially when i know i am and they are surrounded by this dark world, full of problems, irritating situations, troubles... and that people, many or even every individuals, especially my peers, are struggling with these alone, and that is not easy nor pleasant. and i have a desire to help them get out of such struggles, which i myself have experienced myself, struggling desperately in situations, thus wanting to help others who like myself needs a listening ear, needs encouragement, needs support when storms like this comes.

but what have i really done? what can i really do?

dun get me wrong. i'm not blurting all these out becoz i feel emo or what, which is the normal perception. this is just a simple reflective piece of my heart+mind. and dun worry (if you do), i'm not currently feeling emo. just pangs of regret and i guess maybe a tinge of sadness, knowing that i've been so useless to people around me...