Alone in the Rain: out of place, and alone... in the rain

Wednesday, June 11

out of place, and alone... in the rain

visited a few places online tonight... makes me disheartened. makes my heart sink. reading past posts of blogs. seeing how people have moved forward so much, unlike me. seeing how people are stuck in their situations but i'm not there to help. seeing myself so torned out from society, yet the more i feel like staying away from peoples' lives, but when my head is clear, i know i can't. feeling not belonged. though it's not that people dun welcome me, but somehow just dun feel belonged. i use to belong to something, belong to certain groups/places. but now i belong to myself, alone.

happen to come across this video that tugged at my heart, brining my eyes near close to tears. dun give up watching till the end. how much will you understand from it, i dunno, but enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSwCOs-uXzU&feature=related

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Exploration Venues...

Nickname: King

Who? A gal who is searching for her identity; who is on the road of discovering herself and picking herself up; who wishes to be in the arms of the one whom she is pushing away

Who? A gal who has lost herself when she pushed her beloved far from her. Although she needs Him and wants Him, yet she pushes Him away, ignoring Him, and thus she is left... broken and spilled out. She tries to find substitutes, but she cant and she never will, because He is too special to be replaced.

Who? A gal who although is physically conscious and is physically alive, yet is spiritually, emotionally, and in all other aspects, unconscious. She is unable to awake her consciousness, and feels like the living dead.

Who? A gal who knows that one day her consciousness will wake up, and her true self will revive, but is unsure how long it will take. It may be in a few months, or a few years, or 10years down the road (she hopes not)...

Who? A gal who still has some of her true self in this 'ghost' of hers whom everyone sees, but is very different from her true self, because this is only a shell without the true inner her. That is why she has changed a lot.

Who? A gal who no one will be able to fully understand because they are unable to truly see exactly what is going on and comprehend it, and because she herself can't really understand her situation either. Her mind seems to be too complicated for anyone, including herself to 100% grasp it.