One worries of misunderstanding

"The world is so 'sensitive' that whatever one does, one worries of misunderstanding."

This is something that has been on my mind since friday. It's not something new, but it's sort of like a reminder. Lots of things have going on. spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. i want to do something about it, but i'm also weighed down by myself & my problems (which is so little as compared to what others are facing in their lives now).

back to the thot.
Our society nowadays (referring to Singapore, though it's also probably happening in various countries' societies), well, tends to judge people a lot. we tend to judge pple, put a name to them, and thus act a certain way towards them, even before really knowing that person. i have seen so many of such cases, more so this year.i myself may be guilty of that crime too, though i very so want to believe not.

i think i dun really judge people. but, as part of human nature, i have impressions of people. may be good or bad. (well, i cant prevent that, right? it's something that happens mentally in your subconscious mind, and it's not something you can control. but you can still control your reaction/response to the impressions you have.) first impressions for me usually really last long, becoz i tend to be able to evaluate people from their looks, to the short encounter i have with them on the first 'meeting'. and usually i'm quite accurate in my evaluation. it's like this 6th sense that i have.

anyway, i sidetracked. where was i?
oh ya. people tend to judge each other so easily nowadays. we are so suspicious of the other's motives, that we doubt and silently question everything the person says or does. we wonder whether there are any hidden motives and thus, sometimes we are so conscious of this fact, that it's so hard to be real. Whatever i say, whatever i do, i'll consider how the person might think.

Being nice can also bring misunderstanding. The recent inccident of a fren of mine, as well as the knowledge of this 'truth', reminded me that sometimes people may think you are TOO NICE. okay, maybe i understand the reason why. sometimes people are overally nice so that people will like them, so that they will have more friends, so they can give a good impression, etc. But do we really have to judge everyone so strictly, be suspicious of everyone? yes, indeed the society now, the world now is so scary, that you can never really trust anyone fully, anything can happen.

There are stories of father raping daughter, someone killing the good friend (Filipino maid incident), drinks being spiked by friends, etc. It's not surprising that society nowadays just cant be trusted, even your best friend, for anything can happen. But what kind of society will we really have if there is no trust at all? If we are so wary of people that hinders our actions, and we dont trust each other... well, i just cant imagine what it will be like, except that we will never feel safe and secure.

I say that yes, it's good to be aware of this fact that the world is dangerous, and we should be on our guard. But let this not affect our actions, let this not affect our friendships unneccessarily.

geez. now i dun even know what am i talking about. i may even be contradicting myself. oh well. i just wish that time can rewind back to the times where people can trust each other, when the young us could accept friendships without keep thinking whether there are any ulterior motives. Where our actions and words are not so judged.

sigh... even now, i am starting to question myself. at times i worry that people might misunderstand me and my intentions. all i want is to be a friend. for i've been through hard times myself, where being a introvert at heart, being a conservative person, been a person who struggles to share with people, i just keep all my problems to myself and 'die within myself'... but no one knows.

thus i know how hard, how difficult it is struggling alone. wanting people's help yet not willing to really seek and ask for help. maybe it's egoism on my part. i dunno. but i thank God. i thank God that He still sent people along my path to help me, people to encourage me, people to help me wake up to my senses. So i really wish to help my friends around me. The world is in need of real love (not the world's false definition/understanding of love) and encouragement. But we tend to be so selfward looking, so self-conscious that we fail to see the needs of others, that we fail to encourage others.

All i wish to be is a friend, who is there for people. A friend who encourages people. A friend who is there to help people through the difficult times in their lives. A friend to share your joy, as well as your sorrow. A friend who will be your listening ear when you want to. A friend whom you may confide in, whom you may share with.

do i have other motives? can it be that my reason of being such a friend is so simple? so innocent? so naive? i feel that there are people who doubt me. it breaks my heart. no point defending myself. well, i'll just be who i am, or who i think i am. though it's hard at times when i'm worried of misunderstanding. can i still stand for what i believe in, though the pressures of the world makes me wanna just isolate myself? But how can i when people are in need of friends? my heart just dun allow me to. why does misunderstanding exist? :)